I think in the chaos of life I am "allowed" to believe the lie that there isn't enough time to read my Bible or sit down and pray. If I just make it a point everyday to start my day right with Christ then it goes so much smoother. I feel as though I have somewhat of a peace when I'm dealing with the kids (especially the 3 and 6 year old) when I do start with Christ. It's so easy to say "I'll do it later...I don't have time right now." And then I will find myself sitting down to watch the tv. It's a shame. I find that even when things are going bad I don't neccesarily run to Christ first. I want to be in control and do it all myself. It isn't until I am so exhausted and on the brink of tears when I say to myself, "Maybe if you just pray and search the Scriptures things will get better." And for me once I start reading the Bible and praying my anger starts to diffuse and that peace that passes all understanding begins to wash over me.

With all that said, my heart's desire is to really know God. My heart's desire is to love MY Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I want to relinquish all that I have to Him, but to do that I have to totally trust in Him. Not just say that I do but really believe. And that's so hard when I want control.

So for me it is a daily battle to be more than a "Serial One-Night-Stand." (see Is Jesus Nothing More than a Serial One-Night-Stand? ) That is not the relationship that I want with My Savior and My Lord. This is something that 5 years ago was not an issue. I let life adjust my relationship instead of allowing my relationship to mold and adjust my life.