Monday, September 26, 2011

Ramblings from Pity Party Central

:WARNING: Pity Party begins now. It's been quite a while since I have posted and I'm not sure exactly why. Wait, I take that back. I am sure why. School has started, I'm homeschooling my 5 kids and my 2 nieces. We are under so much stress right now. Brad's job is not too stellar right now and that has put a lot on us. There is the possibility of another move. I know...really? Another??? We have not even been in our house a year and I HATE to think that we may have to move. I hate it. BUT it's the reality right now. I finally sat down with the kids and told them. I wanted them to have time to get used to the idea instead of "Hey guys, guess what?! We are moving AGAIN!!!!" They took the possibility very well. I'm proud of them. I explained that moving is not what Brad and I want but it may be what is necessary. Ouch. It hurts just to type that out. This afternoon I have felt slightly depressed. And I know the many reasons for that one... One of my closest and dearest friends and her family came out for a visit. Sarah's husband has a conference in Virginia Beach and they came early so we could all have a visit. My heart has just soared the past couple days having them all here. Sarah and I stayed up WAY too late Saturday night talking about everything under the sun. We talked about our kiddos, homeschooling, our husbands (good stuff there), and the way we have been able to see the Lord working in our lives. I so enjoyed our short time we've had so far. We watched the Colts and Steelers game last night and loved seeing the Colts rally enough to almost win the game. They left for VA Beach this afternoon and then I was left alone with my thoughts. Well, not quite alone...I've got five kids here...but you know what I mean. I was able to think for a little while and it's got me in a bit of a funky place. My desire is to be in the will of the Lord. I desire to follow Him and His plan for my life. I desire for my kids to see me live my life for the Lord. I do not desire to move. But I will try and desire that if we feel that is where the Lord is leading us. Even as I type this out I just want to cry. I'm so tired. My mind is weary from worrying about what lies ahead. I do not want to move away from our family. My heart grieves when I think of that. I do not want to move away from our church. I have come to love and adore our church. But one thing I have noticed---I have not jumped in and gotten involved like I thought I would have by now. I have been keeping to myself a bit more than usual and I've been reluctant to let myself get too attached. I want to. I want to get involved and sing in the choir. I love singing and I miss it. And I want a puppy. Brad's not on board with us getting a puppy right now. I understand with everything that is going on he doesn't want to add that to the list. I think I miss having a baby in the house and I want something small to nurture, love on, and cuddle with. My boys don't just come and cuddle with me anymore. If they do it's typically because they want something. ;-) I'm just a jumble of emotions. I think it's time to make a cup of coffee, turn up the Praise music and try and get myself out of this funk. Thanks for listening/reading my pitifulness! :) ...........and in all this, I almost forgot my anniversary is in 2 days!

No comments: