Wednesday, May 26, 2010

...and the ride continues

So I posted about our lovely roller coaster ride that we were experiencing and now I’m at liberty to explain this crazy ride. It’s not been a secret that Brad’s been unhappy and we’ve been looking for a new job for some time now. We’ve done a lot of looking in our area locally because we weren’t quite ready for a move. Our house has needed just a wee bit of work and as much as we missed our families, we were content where God had placed us.

A while back the company Brad used to work for in VA began pursuing him. There was a lot of back and forth. In April we made the decision that we were not going to move but stay here while Brad completed his CEM (Certified Energy Management) and Lead Certification. He’s about a year from his CEM and that would really open up doors for him. About this time we hadn’t heard anything back from the company in VA anyhow so we felt that God closed that door. Unbeknownst to us God was just waiting to open that door a little wider.

A couple weeks ago we got an email wanting to know if we were still interested in moving back east. I was very confused when Brad said ‘yes’. I thought we had decided to stay here. Brad said he thought it would be foolish to not at least see what they would offer. The first offer came in and we knew immediately that it wasn’t going to work without some tweaking. Two days later, we got another offer. It was better for the first and Brad and I met for a lunch date so we could discuss it. It was a very emotional time for me because I want to be in the Lord’s will, I miss my family, and I love where we are all at the same time!!! I wish we could pick up Hendricks County and take it to VA with us. We were having a very hard time making our decision so we opted for the best decision making process ever. The salt shaker was “go”, the pepper shaker “stay”. We then proceeded to spin our iPhones to see what the course for our life would be. Just kidding. Not really. I mean we did spin the iPhones and the salt and pepper shakers did mean “go” and “stay” but we really didn’t use that as our final decision making tool. Honest.

We prayed. I cried because I knew the answer. We were finally so close to moving back to VA but it wasn’t going to happen. Unfortunately the offer was not enough for our family of 7 to make it. It wasn’t about our extended family. It wasn’t about our church family. It was about our family of 7. We would not be able to adequately take care of us. I felt like a small part of me died when we decided we were going to stay here. It’s really weird because I do love it here. I love the peacefulness at my house. I love love LOVE my church. I cannot say enough about The Church at Avon. (I have no clue who reads, this but if you are in the Avon area and need a good church, you MUST go to The Church at Avon. Not in a couple weeks, but this week. On there!) But with all that I love here, my heart years to be with my family too. I feel so conflicted, because my heart breaks at not seeing my family here, but my heart soars with delight knowing that my family will be a phone call away. My kids will grow up with their aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents...the whole nine yards.

When I was a kid we moved to Japan and those 6 years were some of the best of my life. I loved every minute of it. It was the most amazing experience. We moved there when I was 9 and moved back when I was 15...duh...9+6=15. Before we moved to Japan I felt we were close with our extended family, however when we moved back it felt different. In the 6 years we were gone, the family went on...the relationships that I shared with my cousins were not the same when we came back. We had grown apart mainly because we’d grown up on 2 different continents! Facebook has been awesome since we’ve been here because I feel like we’ve definitely reconnected even with us being in Indiana. I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t want my kids to grow up in that same fashion. I want their relationships with their extended family to be strong and solid.

Back to the job...I went on quite a rabbit trail there. Brad said no to the offer and he was told that they were not accepting ‘no’ and would get back to us on Monday. It was a LONG weekend waiting for Monday to come. Brad worked on Mother’s Day and then he also worked Saturday and Sunday of the following week. Monday he worked till midnight, Tuesday he had to go to Milwaukee. Tuesday night Brad and I were crying out to the Lord. Brad prayed for God to deliver him and honestly we had no clue how God was going to do that; we just knew He would because He is faithful and good to His people. Brad and I were blown away the next day when an offer came in at the exact amount that Brad had said we would need to make the move. We both felt an incredible peace that this was God’s answer to months and months of prayer. We accepted the job and I was so excited with how God had answered our prayer.

That excitement quickly changed to sadness as I knew the task ahead of me was telling the people here that I love dearly the news. It’s bittersweet. We knew we were in the Lord’s will when we moved here and I am at complete ease knowing we are in His will now too---it’s just hard. I’m sad that we will miss what God is going to do through Pastor Dan Wigton and his family at The Church at Avon. Pastor Dan’s first Sunday is Father’s Day. Brad starts his job on June 7th. The kids and I will be here until we sell our house. As much as I don’t want to leave our friends, I want to be reunited with my husband in VA. I’m so thankful that my man has provided and taken such good care of us. an added bonus, Brad will be able to surf in the ocean and won’t have to try surfing in the creek like the above picture. ;)

Love to all!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Gimme a break

WARNING: This post may contain the heart of my pity party...

Do you remember the Kit Kat Jingle? “Gimme a break. Gimme a break. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar....You could keep it yourself but it wouldn’t be fair. That chocolate crunchy taste is loved everywhere.” Lately with the hours Brad has been working I’ve been singing that to myself. I don’t need the chocolate (although I love my chocolate) but what I do need is a break. It doesn’t even have to be anything elaborate. I simply need time for me.

I used to feel guilty about saying that I needed “me” time but not anymore. I don’t feel guilty about it. I know I need to take care of myself as I take care of my kids and house. Brad’s hours have been crazy and I have not had time for me without knowing at any minute the kids would call me back to them. Brad had to work on Mother’s Day and then had a business trip the day after. He didn’t get home until Tuesday night. The kids have missed him terribly and so have I.

We were able to have a lunch date on Friday which was fabulous, but it was also very emotional as we had a difficult decision to make. I valued that time with him but it was an afternoon laced with heartache and somewhat of a bittersweet finality all at the same time. Unfortunately, Brad had to work yesterday and again today. The kids have been getting to bed late and that always contributes to the grumpy behavior. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making an excuse at all for them---grumpy or not they are still responsible for their behavior, however I know that if I have not made sure they get to bed at a decent time I cannot be too terribly upset when they start acting out.

Take today for example. Justin. I love that boy with every fiber of my being. I can remember with detail the nine months that I was privileged to carry him in my belly. I remember being sick with the smell of any tomato based sauce. I remember the joy of finding out I was having a son. I remember picking out his name and registering for all the “stuff” for him. It was one of the most enjoyable times of my life. Gabe will always be my first son, but Justin will always be my first born son.

I know I have made plenty of mistakes in raising my kids. I make them on a daily, heck, an hourly basis. I can only pray that through the wisdom of God I can somehow make up for those mistakes. Justin has always been my envelope pusher and I have no clue when or even if that will stop. But I love him all the same. I adore my son. I cannot imagine not having him in this family. He stole a piece of my heart the day I saw his heart beating on the ultrasound. I never knew that type of instantaneous love was possible. It breaks my heart when I see him acting out with his temper. It breaks my heart when his anger gets the best of him. It breaks my heart when I would rather put him to bed than truly deal with him because I have no fight left in me.

Justin has been overly tired the past couple days and today was no exception. He started before we even left church and I had to have Brad talk with him for a couple minutes. That seemed to help for a little bit. And then he didn’t get his way and it all hit the fan! I was able to reel him back in and I thought we would have a good rest of the day. Around 5 it really started spiraling and I knew an early bedtime was in the works. I didn’t realize how early or what was going to transpire to get us there and really that’s not what is important. What is important? His heart. Getting to his heart. Reaching his heart and showing him my heart and love for him. More importantly, showing him God’s love for him. I put my little guy to bed early tonight and he proceeded to call “MOMMY!!!!” for the next 35-40 minutes. I did go up and see what he needed but it was always the same thing...he didn’t want to go to bed and he wanted Daddy. I wanted to cry that I wanted Daddy too, but what good would it do for him to see me fall apart?

As I type this he has finally quieted down and I can only pray that he gets a good rest and tomorrow we can talk about our day and both of us learn something. I know that it’s not just me teaching him, but Justin teaching me too. James 1:19-20 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. For man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

I desire to live a righteous life.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Roller Coaster

Anyone that’s been on a roller coaster understands the adrenaline rush that comes from that initial slow climb before the first drop. I remember this time when I went to Busch Gardens with my best friend and her dad. We were going to ride the Alpengeist and I was scared to death! Amanda sat on one side of me and her dad on the other side. As we started that climb, they began to tease me because of how scared I was. That initial climb is so slow and even though I knew what was coming was going to be exhilarating I still couldn’t keep from being somewhat scared. I was putting all of my trust in the engineers that built that massive ride to keep me safe. I was counting on that harness to stay locked and keep me from slipping out of the seat. In the end, I made it through just fine and loved every minute---except that initial climb of uncertainty. I'll never love the initial uncertainty, but that's where faith comes in right?

It's not the type of roller coaster at an amusement park I'm talking about here. It's the roller coaster of life. Sometimes I feel like I am starting up that initial climb and instead of making it to the end I wind up suspended upside down in a looptie-loop hanging on to the harness for dear life. In real life it's not the engineers I have to put my faith in but Christ. I know that He will see me through to the very end. Even if I do get stuck upside down for a while, knowing it's HIS harness that is keeping me safe is far more comforting than the thought of some engineer putting something together. I know the harness has been tested time and time again, but men sometimes fail us and Christ will never fail us.

Here lately life has been a bit of a roller coaster. There have been many times when I thought I made it to the end only to jump back on and go through the ride all over again! I wish that I could be more telling of this roller coaster ride, but as of right now "Mum's the word". I pray that Brad and I would be sensitive to His will in our lives and not our will. It's in His plan that we find perfection. I'm so thankful for His provision and the gift of discernment in our future endeavors. :)

Monday, May 03, 2010


Sleep, oh how I miss thee. This remodeling of the bathroom is going to kill me!! We’ve been staying up so late working on it and the kids do not care---they get up ever earlier than normal when I haven’t slept!!! What’s up with that???

We didn’t get too much done on the bathroom yesterday. Sundays are always busy days and yesterday was no exception. We had a lunch after church with the pastor search committee and their families and had a WONDERFUL time of fellowship with them all. Brad made the mistake of telling the kids that Golden Corral was an all you can eat ice cream place. We had a room to ourselves and as I was eating the kids snuck out and got some *major* dessert! Apparently I was craving carbs yesterday. When I got back to the table I had: salad (yay me), sweet potato, potato ‘fries’, mashed potatoes, and teriyaki chicken. It was yummy, but oh my.

After lunch we came home and chilled for a little bit before heading back to church for the Lord’s Supper. I had nursery last night so the little ones were under my control! MUAHAHAHA! Then I dropped Brad off at Lowes and went to Jimmy Johns to get dinner. Brad asked me when I dropped him off, “Do you have your check card?” Of course I had my check card. I got Jimmy Johns, ordered the subs, pulled out my wallet and found my check card was not in my wallet. ACK! I knew then my check card was at home so I went to Lowes, found Brad, admitted I was wrong, got HIS check card, then went back to Jimmy Johns.

We did find out that the price of the tile we bought on Wednesday has now dropped 34 cents. I’m going to go back to Lowes today and get a price adjustment. We should get back around $30! Today I have to finish stripping the wall paper in the bathroom (I was too tired to finish it last night). We also have a creek excursion to go on today. I promised Jasmine that we would go down to the creek so they could look for tadpoles. :) Have a happy Monday!

Saturday, May 01, 2010

My Girls!

I am so proud of Haeley and Jasmine!!! They have worked so hard this year learning Bible verses and the books of the Bible. They ROCKED it today! AWESOME JOB GIRLS!!!!!!! They have improved so much since last year. Their confidence is probably the biggest difference I saw. Last year they were very unsure and somewhat confused, but this year was completely different. They knew what to expect and they really prepared and have taken God’s Word and hidden it in their hearts. They are amazing and I desire to know the Bible in the ways that they have learned. What’s really cool is that they don’t just memorize verses and such, but they actually learn what the verse means and find ways to make it personal to their lives. Gabe was able to compete, but he was not confident that he could do it. Next year will be quite a year of Bible Drill. Haeley and Jasmine will be in the Youth, Gabe will be in the 4th-6th grade level, and Justin will be in the 1st-3rd grade. I still can’t believe Justin will be 1st grade!!! Where on earth does the time go?? We got some pretty good pictures at Highland Lakes too!

After Bible Drill we ran to get a birthday present for Sarah’s son, Andrew. We were going to get a terrarium for a frog, but those were so blooming expensive and then there are so many other issues with setting the tank just right. Instead of a frog, we settled on a hermit crab and now Justin wants one too. The hermit crab was HUGE and poor Benjamin got scared out of his wits over it. Benjamin had a bit of a rough day; he got car sick 3 times on the way to Highland Lakes and then was heartbroken when I told him the party was not for him, but for Justin. Justin had a blast at the party and I’m thrilled for him. He told me at bedtime tonight that he made some new friends at the party too! :) The hermit crab was a HUGE hit too. :)

After I dropped Justin at the party I headed back to Menards to pick up Brad and the rest of the kiddos. I left them there so I could drop Justin off. We picked out our bathroom vanity, countertop, faucets for the sink and tub, and all the accessories we need. WHEW! We loaded everything up, came home, unloaded it, and then I picked up the little man.

Over the past several days we have been watching season one of “Leave it to Beaver”. Justin has a new nickname. Beaver. :D There are some many similarities that it’s not even funny!!! While I make dinner the kids watch “Leave it to Beaver”. It’s become a nice ritual. I love them coming and asking to watch it.

It’s now gotten late and we have church in the morning, so away I go!!!!! I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL Sunday!!!